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http://www.livejournal.com/users/kamikaze070/
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[18 Jun 2005|02:04pm] |
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i'm thinking of changing my livejournal name. if i do, will you follow me? ^_^
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| CCS! |
[18 Jun 2005|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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music |
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rachael yamagata - "meet me by the water" |
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yeahhh i got bored so i changed my layout... I'M SORRY TOMOYO! lmfao. yeah instead of the silent hill theme i've been using for like... a freaking year, i decided to change it to a cardcaptors one! i was gonna do a tsubasa one, but i couldn't find enough pictures ._. but oh well, this one is pretty lol.
when will i find my syaoran?!?!?!?!
(@_@ hides from tomoyo ^^;;;)
anyway, i can't stop thinking about this guy... i can't write his name right now lol. i don't know why... i guess i have unfinished business with him... and i really did him wrong. i was kinda talking about him with daniel last night, but like... i feel like a wuss for thinking about guys!!! goshhh. i mean like... i don't know what i want, honestly... i just feel like naru from love hina right now (AND NO DANIEL, that was not a pro-otaku reference LMFAO) but honestly, that's how i feel! i don't know what right now! i'm only 17, i don't know if i really want love... i thought i did before, but when it comes down to it, i'm too scared lol. and no i don't need anyone's direction... i know i'll follow my heart so don't give me advice on that. personally, i never follow anyone's advice... well i follow quy's advice because she's my best friend and actually KNOWS me, but i don't really follow advice too well nor do i like hearing it when i don't ask for it. but goshhh. i just want to make things right between us again!!! he NEVER did me wrong.
(and no, this was not about nick)
i love rachael yamagata... this song like brings tears to my eyes because i can totally relate to every single freaking lyric here!!!
rachael yamagata - "meet me by the water"
would you please meet me by the water, baby
we'll have a really good time
would you please meet me by the water, baby
'cause i can't get you off of my mind
i've been thinking everyday about you
don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'cause i think i might be right for you
and because of that, i'm not scared at all
and everyone says i'm crazy
and everyone says i'm a fool
would you meet me by the water tonight
'cause i'm ready to break all the rules
please don't leave me standing
with my heart in my hand
i can't last here
i'm breaking down,
and no on understands why i got here
but i knew from the very first moment
that i met you
you'd be the one
would you meet me by the water tonight
would you please fall asleep
holding my hand
'cause i've got everything in store for you, baby
if you'll be my man
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| uhh whatever. |
[17 Jun 2005|01:07pm] |
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mood |
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 proud |
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music |
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hidden in plain view - "twenty below" |
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i think i almost lost my virginity yesterday... but i didn't feel like a cheap slut so i didn't.
long story short, i was going to go on a date with this guy that had a girlfriend out of town. he's the same guy that stuff happened with at nationals. he was gonna take me to monterey, buy me junk, dinner, all that stuff, but since i got the woven bands on my braces, my teeth were hella hurting and junk and i knew he was going to make some kind of move on me. i was really worried about that until it gave me a headache, and i threw up... then around there, i cancelled the date. haha. but yeah, still a virgin. woot woot. i've never done anything sexual and i'm proud. virginXcore, bitches.
unlike other girls, i have pride. i am really attracted to this guy BUT i wasn't going to let it go like that. i don't care if he's only back for a little bit, then he has to go back to training... SAKURA DON'T PLAY THAT.
aint no holler back girl?
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[14 Jun 2005|10:20pm] |
i'm gonna grow up to be a fucking power ranger.
hell yuh. YUH.
(yellow ranger. duhhh. go trini, bitches.)
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[12 Jun 2005|08:42pm] |
since ryvveh hates me, i stole this from her...
01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
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| my broken heart just has no use. |
[11 Jun 2005|11:40am] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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madonna - "crazy for you" |
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okay i had a dream about juan last night... juan AKA the guy that kinda did stuff with me when we went away to nationals because his girlfriend was still in california. yeah. now that i think about it, he's not the only guy with a girlfriend that i've done things with... i mean, like... i've been the "other woman" a lot and i feel like a total tramp for it. i just want a serious relationship but i always get myself in this crap. why why why? yeah maybe i'm just a stupid whore.
gonna play guild wars.
carmie, tell me how to change the mood icons to anime or i'll have to rape you.
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| good news. |
[09 Jun 2005|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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music |
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my chemical romance - "hang 'em high" |
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i'm a senior.
wow.
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| can't be that other woman. |
[08 Jun 2005|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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changing faces - "can't be that other woman" |
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i'm gonna go binge shopping saturday! woot.
( my prom )
anyway because of that, i've been trying to movie on and forget about boys... go out on dates... just have a fucking shameless good time. i don't care about feelings for now because when i do, i just get hurt. i'm proned to getting hurt so fuck it. i'm tired of dreaming about the perfect relationship that will never happen. it's balls.
okay the real reason for my entry is because mark (not my cousin) messeged me on myspace tonight. he lives near san jose and concord and we used to be dating or something everytime he came down here. the thing is... he has a girlfriend and i don't know if she knew about us. he's a good guy and the reason i really went out with him is because he was a total gentleman and (though it was selfish) i went out with him for the food. yeah i'm a fat ass. anyway he asked me if i wanted to go out tonight. since i just woke up a few minutes ago, i couldn't... but i invited him to my school's graduation tomorrow and afterward we're probably going to go on a date. i know it's kind of wrong, but i'm tired of everything right now. i know there's nothing truly serious with him and we never officially stopped dating, so what the hell? i'm not the one attached, he's the one that keeps coming back. call me a slut, maybe i am, but i just need some air and exposure to something new. we're friends but i guess dating friends, ya know?
"well, his girlfriend must be doing something wrong if he keeps coming back."
for some reason, i don't feel bad about any of this. it's not really my problem and it's not like i'm fucking him. we just go out and have a good time with no strings attached, i won't do anything i'll regret.
oh yeah. i might be medium in abercrombie and fitch... hopefully... and if i'm not, i'll fucking work out until i am.
yeahhh.
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| binge that shit. |
[08 Jun 2005|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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daphne loves derby - "closing down the pattern department" |
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prom pics are in but i want to just burn him out of all of the pictures.
i think i'm going to go binge shopping in san jose this weekend. i've been having a crappy couple of days or week or something... so if there's something you don't want me to buy, tell me now or i might buy it. fuck fuck fuck.
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| bow wow chika |
[06 Jun 2005|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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music |
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mariah carey - "we belong together" |
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chad and me.
fuck yeah.
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| one more chance to kill the pain |
[05 Jun 2005|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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tom petty - "last dance with maryjane" |
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i'd write about prom if i knew how to do that little link that leads to the rest of the entry.
but i don't.
so until i do, i can't write about it.
i'm pissed that the track jackets are only in small because those were the only abercrombie & fitch things i wanted. i'm really pissed and i don't know what i want anymore.
yup. fuck everything.
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| forget me not |
[02 Jun 2005|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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whatever |
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music |
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joseph arthur - "honey and the moon" |
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i just wish... i don't know. sometimes it's like... so complicated that i can't keep smiling forever. i think my dad sort of forgot about me because he didn't take me out for dinner for my birthday or get me a gift or anything. i really don't want to act stuck up, but it hurts a lot. sometimes i hate having divorced parents because they forget things that mean something important to you. i haven't seen my dad in a while either and he lives in the same town as me. i mean, i know he loves me and crap, but sometimes IT HURTS A LOT.
i also hate my step dad. he can burn in hell.
(he gave me $40 but fuck him anyway.)
i cooked a lot today. i cook when i'm upset. it was hella good.
well i never got to write what i got for my birthday... so here it is.
mom:
RED (fav. color!) mp3 player
sister:
rachael ray cookbook
gonna get me an anime box set
dad:
nothing... for now i guess
bitchass stepdad:
$40
grandpa:
$25
the thing that really surprised me is that quy (my best friend) got me a lot of things and i guess it makes me feel important. i guess i can still count on my friends.
quy:
hand-stitched plushie of me
hello kitty whistle
sanrio scrapbook
sango plushie
flip flops
yeah. that's all i feel like writing i guess.
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| shouldn't let it go. |
[01 Jun 2005|04:13pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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lindsay lohan - "very last moment in time" |
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yeahhh.
okay i guess i'm kinda in deep shit.
prom is drama.
but i'm still going.
there's a thespian drama banquet tonight.
i'm going because of my part in the winter play.
finals are NOW.
study study study.
i feel better because i got things off my chest.
holler if you love me.
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| yo yo yo |
[31 May 2005|08:29pm] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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rachael yamagata - "reason why" |
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happy birthday to me. :|
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| because you kill me... |
[30 May 2005|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
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music |
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hawthorne heights - "ohio is for lovers" |
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okay i just got back from fanime and it was a blast. i guess the zsf people went before me or something but i guess it's all good. i still managed to go.
it was awesome.
i went on monday when all the crowds were gone. it felt like an early birthday gift just going there because i LOOOOOOVE anime. i hope i get to cosplay next time because i didn't have enough preparation time to get ready for fanime. i have no freaking idea who i'm going to go as next time. maybe i'll just go as a school girl or something fun like that. who knows?
maybe by the time of a convention, i'll have a boyfriend to take... so we can cosplay together or some crap. we'll see.
ahhh i hope the next con is just as good as this one!!!
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| ): |
[29 May 2005|10:05am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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no doubt - "sunday morning" |
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someone take me to fanime. :(
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| <3phanton of the opera |
[27 May 2005|04:20pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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phantom of the opera theme |
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REALLY GOOD MOVIE. <3333
okay prom is a bunch of crappy drama where one girl who has a crappy date will do anything to make sure everyone else feels like crap. whether it's talking shit or making up some stupid lie, they still do it. it's fucking stupid! i'm not the one being effected since i'm a really neutral party in my crew, but just i hella defended people to a lot of assholes lately. i feel good i stood up against them and made them shut up but i know now they're just gonna keep talking crap, not about me because they PHEER ME but just... keep talking crap in general.
drama...
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| we sleep alone in our beds |
[25 May 2005|05:44pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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daphne loves derby - "deserts eating oceans" |
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yeahhh.
i order my cousage/boutinier combo! good thing i don't have to pay for it, shiiittt. lol. well not now anyway. the florists were REALLY nice and they helped me pick out the perfect coursage and junk. woot.
prom is turning everyone against each other. one chick thinks another is mad at her for saying her dress wasn't that great, another mad because someone was pushy about things. i'm glad i'm not all up in that bizzznass. haha yeah, i'm like totally neutral, i'm just relaxed. all i need done is my visitor's pass junk, then i'm cool. plus accesories O_O.
i hope nothing shitty happens.
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kamikaze070's journal
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